


If You Give A Karkat A Cookie

by Merrywetherweather



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coddling Kink, Fluff, M/M, Nook Eating, One Shot, Oral Sex, Seduction, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 20:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrywetherweather/pseuds/Merrywetherweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They're notoriously soft-hearted. Showing off your sensitive side seduces them. They secretly love being babied, and love being pampered with a home-cooked meal. Romantic atmospheres appeal to their sensualness."<br/>Dave tries to seduce Karkat with something he found on a zodiac guide website.</p>
<p>Spoiler: It works.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Give A Karkat A Cookie

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I haven't been posting much. Getting used to college and everything. I don't know about my other stories but I've had this one-shot started and never finished and I really felt the need to get it done. So voila! I'll try to write more frequently but no promises because I have exams coming up again.

"They're notoriously soft-hearted. Showing off your sensitive side seduces them. They secretly love being babied, and love being pampered with a home-cooked meal. Romantic atmospheres appeal to their sensualness."

You close the tab and snicker. Holy dick nuggets, could this possibly work? Karkat was generally a loud, foul-mouthed, surly, little guy and you knew he wouldn't let down his guard so easily. But maybe this how-to-seduce-the-zodiacs-style article could help. It obviously wouldn't be of any help to apply it to a human born under cancer but if the zodiac signs originated from the trolls perhaps they held some truth there.

You had been trying to court Karkat for a month now, using all of your experience as a cool kid and lady killer to get in his pants and acquire his heart to no avail. Most of the time he huffed and walked off with a, "FUCK OFF." Once you were lucky and he blushed. You were mostly sure he thought you were just messing with him. You were sick of it.

On a Friday night you put your plan into motion and invited him over for a movie night. He arrived right on time.

"Welcome to case de Strider, sweetheart."

He flushes. You guessed that pet names with a lovey-dovey feel would be more appropriate for today than your usual aggravating mangling of his name (Karkitty, Vant-ass, Karkatastrophe).

"WHAT DID THE HUMAN LANGUAGE PRESENTLY REFERRED TO AS SPANISH EVER DO TO YOU?" Hm. He didn't attack the pet name.

"It murdered my mother and now I must enact revenge."

"YOU DON'T HAVE A MOTHER. THE CLOSEST APPROXIMATION YOU EVER HAD TO THE FEMALE HUMAN LUSI ON YOUR PLANET IS JOHN AND HIS BUTTON MASHING ON AN ECTO MACHINE."

"Oh. So it's a 'Yo Mamma' battle then? Well yo mamma is so fat-Hey!"

He pushes past you and stands in your living room, "WHAT ARE WE WATCHING TONIGHT?"

"Whatever you'd like ta, darlin," you throw in some Texan charm for good measure.

He sputters out a, "W-WHAT?!"

"Oh, but before that what would you like to do first: dinner, shower, or..," pause for dramatic effect and cute pose, "me?"

He starts back peddling and stuttering until the back of his legs hit the couch and he falls onto it.

You are silent with amazement. You must use these new found powers for good.

You stroll over to the couch and peer over the back at the now flustered troll. His sweater is pulled up a bit, exposing a sliver of tummy and his eyes are wide with shock.

"Ya okay down there, honey?"

"Mmhmm..," he flinches when he hears the pet name and you watch him shiver and shift into a sitting position, trying to glare a hole into the carpet.

"So, I'll be right back with some stuff and you pick out a movie, mmkay?"

He nods and moves to your video cabinet.

You cannot believe how well this is going. Now for phase two of the plan.

You return and he's already back on the couch surveying two movies he's decided are viable options.

"Well? What's on the itinerary for tonight?"

"EITHER "DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR" OR "STARSKY AND HUTCH."

Those are two of your favorite movies. Is he trying to turn this complex coddle plan you've concocted against you? "Doll, there is no way you want to watch those movies. Besides, I'm feelin some...," You pull out..., "Silver Linings Playbook."

He wiggles in his seat a bit but doesn't say anything. He allows you to put back your DVDs and insert the romantic-comedy instead. You sit down with a blanket and pull it over the both of you, "T-THAT'S OKAY! I'M NOT THAT COLD."

"Nonsense. You need someone to cuddle with when you're watchin some prime time moving pictures."

You then settle a bowl of popcorn on his lap and place a kiss on his temple. He gasps and turns to look at you but you pointedly remain staring at the screen like nothing unusual happened. Goddamn, you are smooth.

He's squirming. You can feel him moving under the covers. He isn't even paying attention to the film. A grin plasters onto your face. Ding! Another great idea.

You pull him closer and he stills. His head is nestled into the crook of your neck, his horns peaking out from the mess of black tendrils making up his hair. You ask in the most compassionate and empathetic voice you can, "You alright, Love?"

He's on top of you.

On top of your lap more specifically. His hair is covering his eyes and his breathing is coming out in little gasps. His fingers are wound into the shirt fabric on your shoulder and he tilts his head up a bit so you can finally see his eyes. You didn't realize you stopped breathing, "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?"

He shoots you a look of pure lust and confusion. You have done it. You have finally seduced Karkat Vantas.

Your lips turn upward, "What do you mean, babe?" You question him in an innocent voice that just reeks with how much you care. His body quakes. You put your hands on his waist and balance him so that his legs are on either side of your thighs. You lean your mouth next to his ear, "Are you hungry? Do you want to pause the movie? I made you dinner."

His grip on your shoulder tightens. He's so red and he looks like he doesn't know what to do with himself, he's so turned on.

"DAVE I-I.." His lip quivers and, shit. Are those tears in his eyes?

You kiss his cheek. He whimpers and his eyes close. You kiss both of his eyelids, his nose, all over his face. You are going to smother him in kisses until he understands what he's feeling. 

What you're feeling.

"Karkat..," You breathe his name out.

"DAVE. I CAN'T-!" He kisses you. Or tries. It's a very desperate attempt at trying to connect your lips together. He's such a mess.

And you did that to him.

You push your hands up his shirt and he presses closer to you. There is some serious movement going on in his pants. Your hands trace circles up his sides and his grub scars. You break away from him for a moment and he whines and you have to hold him back so he doesn't attack your lips again, "What do you want?"

"W-WHAT?" He looks dazed and his hair is mussed.

You kiss his neck, "What do you want me to do?"

"TAKE OFF YOUR SHADES AND SHIRT."

You oblige and are rewarded with some very nice nips and kisses to your throat. You hold him back again, "Now what do you want me to do to YOU."

"HORNS," His answer is rushed and impatient.

"What about them?"

"TOUCH THEM! PLEASE!"

You quickly respond by brushing a thumb over one of the nubs sticking out from his hair. He leans into the touch and sighs appreciatively, "What next?"

"B-bulge," he purrs out quietly but you're pretty sure you know how to proceed with this one.

One of your hands reaches into his pants and rubs the underside of his bulge through the wet fabric of his boxers. You then replace the hand that left his horn with your mouth. He calls out incoherently. It's a mixture of chirps and "AHnnn!"s.

His bulge wraps around your hand and you twiddle it between your fingers, "PUT SOMETHING IN MY NOOK!"

He's started to shout out commands without prompting, "Damn, I spoiled you."

You flip him onto his back and pull his pants and boxers off. God, he's so wet. You take his bulge in one hand again and move it so that it isn't flailing in front of his nook. You lick along the outside folds. He writhes and digs his nails into the sofa, murmuring praises. When you stick your tongue inside him he can't keep still and you need to hold his hips down so he doesn't move.

He moans.

You only stop when he pulls your hair so that you know to bring your face close to his. He feverishly kisses you, "PUT IT IN!" He whimpers out.

You can't argue with him. Wouldn't even want to. You get out of your pants and hello. You've been hard for a good while.

Gently, you ease into him and he's shaking with anticipation. When it's in all the way you notice he's crying and, godammit! What did you do? You were so sure he was liking this.

"Karkat?" You start kissing his tears away, "Honey? Doll? Come on. What's wrong?"

He looks you in the eyes and the intensity of his stare could burn you. He is rolling in ecstasy. He is so maddened by it that you've reduced him to tears. You smooth motherfucker.

"Should I move?" You're a little breathless.

He nods and his hands find their way to your back, bracing himself against you, "please move," he quietly begs.

You don't have to be told twice. You begin to thrust into him, slow at first but when his voice starts getting louder you pick up the pace. His voice is becoming deafening and you love it. Love seeing him underneath you. Listening to him scream for you. For more of you.

You lean down and whisper in his ear, "I love you."

And he's gone.

He comes and his nook is sopping wet, making obscene noises as you continue to thrust. As he rides out his orgasm you observe his face; it's one of maddening pleasure and euphoria.

It does you in.

You come and he gasps as it fills him. You're both panting hard and you still don't move out of him, but he doesn't push you off either, as you share glassy stares.

You sit up and pull him with you until he's curled up on your lap. Then you pull out and hold him to your chest. He shivers as you do, his nook probably still raw and overly sensitive. He purrs contentedly.

"You know, if you still want dinner, I could feed it to you."

He flinches as you break the satisfying silence and mumbles, "Only if you're prepared for a round two."


End file.
